So why do people bully others?
In our last article we asked the question “Why do people become targets for bullying?”
We offered 3 common reasons:
- Most people think about what they don’t want to happen rather than what they do want
- They have a low self-esteem which is a poor image of themselves as a person
- They don’t know that they have choice in the way they think, feel or what they do – they often feel like a victim of life.
We believe that people bully others for similar reasons – with a twist!
They simply play it out in a different way. One of the major reasons is a shaky self-esteem. Some people would say “how can that be?”, “bullies seem so confident and out there!”.
Our answer to that is both the “bullied” and the “bullies” are highly influenced by the way other people see them and respond to them. If you feel good about yourself it’s not so important what others think of you and you feel pretty much in control of your own life. You look after your own needs, while trying your best to meet the needs of others.
Because the “bullied” generally have quite low self esteem, they have a passive way of communicating. They meet the needs of others at the expense of their own and tend to withdraw or run-away from situations (leaving them feeling worse!).
The “bullies” on the other hand have an aggressive way of communicating. They appear to have a higher-self esteem and more control over their lives, however this can flip flop depending on the situation and how they are feeling about themselves at the time. Because they have doubts about their self-worth, they try to overcome this by taking charge of situation. They often come out fighting and demand that their own needs are met at the expense of other people.
People admit to bullying for different reasons including:
- In that moment of bullying they feel more powerful and important about themselves as a person
- They have been victims of bullying themselves, and found that becoming the bully inflates their ego and helps them hide their low self-esteem
- It’s the only way they know how to get others to behave in a way that makes them feel good themselves
Many bullies, when reflecting back on their lives will say they regret their behaviour. They admit it gave them a temporary fix and are sorry for the damage to their victims.
The solution for the “bullies” is the same as for the “bullied”.
- Become open and willing to change and grow
- Understand how the universe works (how to attract positive stuff!)
- Build a healthy self esteem (a great relationship with you and you!)
- Develop skills to understand others and build great relationships
(There are many tips and tools to do this in “Magic tools to overcome bullying and other stressful stuff!”)
If people are in tune with their inner self, feel worthy and respect themselves, they don’t need to prove themselves to others. If they are happy and content, they want the best for the people around them!
Bullying then becomes a thing of the past!
Warmly
Maz and Ray
